Confession (also, Seven Deadly Sins)

Alam kong maraming nag-request, pero dahil ito ang first writing attempt ko after so many months (years???), lower your expectations ha. Soft opening muna :D

Confessions (also, Seven Deadly Sins)

Pride

I was preparing for a Hawaiian-themed party. So picture me wearing a spaghetti-strapped inner blouse topped with an almost-see through long-sleeved shirt, paired with shorts. I was feeling good in myP5,000++ outfit when my brother saw me.

Bro 1 (but not necessarily in order):

Wow, Ruby.

K, thinking of Angelica P.'s now-defunct teleserye, smiles with pseudo-humility

Bro 1:

Ruby Rodriguez!

Pride 2

Dad:

May bago na akong kamukha, hindi na si Papa P.

Mom:

Sino na kamukha mo?

Dad:

Si Enchong!

Bro 1 (same brother as above):

Tama! Si Enchong. Si Enchong Go.

Avarice

K:

Pagdasal mo naman na makapag-asawa ako ng mayaman.

Mom:

Mayaman? 'Di ba dapat 'pag mag-aasawa ka, dapat yung Christian?

K:

Kapag nakapag-asawa ako ng mayaman, ibibili kita ng maraming bags.

Mom:

Sige, mayaman na lang.

Envy (kasi inggit ako, at ang opposite ng envy ay Love)

K:

Mommy! Naiwan mo ang cellphone mo!

Dad, to Mom:

Ikaw naman, kakalimutan mo pa ang kadugtong ng buhay mo.

Mom:

Hindi naman 'yung cellphone ko ang kadugtog ng buhay ko.

Dad:

E, ano?

Mom:

Ikaw

K, thinking:

Eeeew! Cheesy!

Wrath

Bro 2 (note again that the number is not necessarily his number out of my mom's womb) was on his way to his GF's Church when...

Mom:

'Yung polo mo gusot-gusot.

Bro (kasi harassed na at mala-late na yata):

E anong gagawin ko? Huhubarin ko pa ba?

Mom:

E di 'wag mong hubarin habang pina-plansta ko.

Lust

Overheard:

Man:

Ang ganda mo naman. Kamukha mo si Bea Alonzo.

Para kang model sa Magkaribal.

By the way, ako pala si Derek Ramsey.

Lust 2

Bro 1 injured his shoulder during a basketball game.

Inang, concerned:

Marunong manghilot si E (Inang's 1^st Yaya). Magpahilot ka dun.

Bro 1:

Wag na po.

Inang:

Bakit naman?

Bro 1:

Hindi po ako nagpapahawak kung kani-kanino.

Gluttony

My mom and me shared a gelatto after one of our customary mall lakwatsa. Since I will be the one who will be driving home, she let me eat my half first with the warning...

Mom:

Tirhan mo ko, kundi, sisipain kita.

K, after her first taste of the gelato:

Magpapasipa na lang ako.

Gluttony 2

Me and my friends were on our way to Tagaytay when my mom called me.

Mom:

K, (static, static, static).

K, straining to hear:

Ha?

Mom:

(static, static, static) . . . ay.

K:

Ano? Sinong namatay?

Needless to say, everyone who were inside the car with me freezes in tense silence while waiting for the answer to my question.

Mom:

Bingi ka talaga! Buko pie! Mag-uwi ka ng buko pie!

Collective sighs of relief for those inside the car.

Gluttony 3

K, on her way home from Tagaytay, after buying buko pie:

Magdadala na lang ako ng sasakyan bukas pag-uwi ko ng Bulacan, ano?

Seatmate:

Oo, seatmate, kasi marami kang dalang buko pie.

J, the Ladies' escort to Tagaytay:

Tama. Kasi 'pag nag-bus ka, baka may bumili sa'yo ng buko pie.

Sloth (ayaw kasing mag-exercise)

Mom:

J, hubarin mo nga ang beltbag mo.

Tita J:

Ano? Wala akong suot na beltbag.

Mom:

E ano yang nakapulupot sa bewang mo?

Tita J:

Salbabida 'yan. Walang pakialamanan.

So, kamusta naman kayo?